An Empire to Build

I want to go deep down into your soul. Deep down where no one's gone before. I want to open the deep dark closet hidden under the pile of even more dirty laundry and hidden messages. I want to know the story of each mark on your body and each scar that remains. I want to see through your eyes; the tears that have been wiped away and the pain that remain of yesterday.

I want to peer at your brain and dissect every thought and word and reasoning you find. The smallest of humor and the darkest of anguish. I want to seek your solace for you and find the liberation you look for so desperately. I want to relieve you of burdens that have been carried from generations. I want to console you at your darkest moments, when you're alone feeling like you've reached your end.

I want to raise you from your knees off the ground and back to your feet. I want to stand beside you and motivate you on repeat. With each trembling step you take towards your conquering the fear built by a wall you mentally put up, let's take it down together. Let me be the one dabbing the cloth at the side of the ring and cooling you down. Then getting you back up for another round.

Oh if only you'd let me, if only you could see, the empire we are together, the empire we could be. With a dam of emotions and a village of thoughts. We could start a civilization with just us. We'll feed them with love and strengthen them with hope. If only you could see from within, all that can be done if you just let me in.

Testimony of a lost soul

My dreams, covered in glimpses of memories. Oh what memories, the kisses in the dark and and the tears in the sunset. Staring into each other's eyes with a sigh of satisfaction. The fights of passion and the make-up kisses action. Don't you know that we still have it all? You left me wanting more. Craving for an embrace that I never embraced. Now we have words. Words that were never spoken. Words of forgiveness and good byes. Let's go back to the start. Standing here across you, unspoken truth oozing out of our pores. Dont you love me anymore? Could you live with the thought of walking away? The thought of surrendering your dreams and ambitions for the yearning of your fickle minded heart. Could you loose yourself in the moment and risk it all, loosing it all or gaining everything you never thought you needed. Oh how beautiful life would be if it was black and white. But it's not is it? You fall in love and he loves on. His heart chasing the next bombshell that's got him awe struck. All the work you did looking like your pretty self gone in vain. More messed up than before. Your heart pounding out of your chest as you chase after him chasing after someone else. What a twisted path you've run down now, no idea of how to get back to the start. So you sit down picking at your shoes wondering where you went wrong. Where do you go from here? Your heart a distance away. All along you wanted to chase after your love, unknowingly being left behind in the dark. He's gone a long time ago, love. A testimony of a lost soul trying to find her way back. Coming across too many dead ends. All she needs is a little clarity. So come sit beside her and share a thought. A penny for your thoughts? Oh she'd pay a dime. Go to your darkest secret and set it free. She'd liberate you while encasing herself in a glass house. She'd set you free if you tried.

Do I Make You Happy?

Do I make you happy? Do I make you see? With everything that has happened, are you happy with me? Do you smile like you did when you were with her? Or does your heart beat out of fear? Can you face another day knowing you're with me and not her? As each moment passes in your life, are you happy with your choice? Moments over shadowing another, your smile is your cover. Do you move mountains or just feel safe with me? Do you take each waking moment with a sigh of relief. You see, I'm moving in and out of doubt, you left me for her and now you're back with me. Have you settled or do I really make you happy. Has your heart changed, am I the only one you see? Coz if you remember, you left me for her, and now you're back with me.

Do you still talk to her? Like before? Or have you left all the past baggage at the door. You entered back in with smiles and open arms, not seeing around everything has fallen apart. I thought I needed you, the illusion of being safe around you was just me being belittled by you. The choice of walking back in the 'house' you tore down with words that cut through my soul, "she makes me really happy," should never have been there. I'm picking myself up, BY MYSELF. Right now I hope you're happy and you're heart is content. I hope your joy is to never cease. Frankly though, I couldn't care if it was because of me.

Illumination

Now that I have your attention. Let me take this time to blow your mind. Nothing like wine, is as fine as I to what I place my eyes on. A delight to my sight. I provoke the inner most being to awake the child I once put to sleep. Trekking across the woods in a ball gown with you would seem like a thought I wouldn't think twice about. A constant flow of emotions no longer am I in fear of losing this moment. For I am in this moment. Embedded in my soul. I'll feel even when it has passed. Long gone, I sit alone and breath in the new air. No, it isn't the same anymore. My soul renewed once more. No constant worry of what or where or why. Revealing myself. It doesn't look like me. Or who I used to be. Does it? I've finally found me. Individual identity woven in intricate details to fashion the mode of surviving like a suit of armor. I was made for this. Made to fight, to survive to thrive in the darkest of times. To illuminate and seek the light for all. The burden that was once uplifted from mine, now I uplift others. An example, a does, a goal setter, and everyone who tells you otherwise can leave. So staring again at the mirror. It gets misty. I wipe it clean. That ray of sunshine coming through. I look above and close my eyes. Thanking you in advance. I set my fears aside for today. There's plenty of time they can wait. I walk out. Its going to be okay. For once, for the first time in a long long time, I know I'm right this time.

Façade of forever

They say that being brokenhearted is hard. To be cheated on and lied to is beyond comprehensive to one in love. To a certain extent, its true. The cheating and humiliation, facing yourself in the mirror, asking yourself on a daily basis what you did wrong. The thought of looking around you, and that feeling creeps in; who do you trust? The person you held dearly and so close to you, you had recently come to learn you only saw a glimpse. The moments of anguish and pain and all that you had built together, tumbled down in a moment you never saw coming. How could you have known that those fleeting moments that brought you unexpected joy was perhaps just a cowardly act of one who coyly strung you a long and toyed with the emotions of yours; yours that loved with the intention to wholly deliver.

But what's worse than loosing a part of you to someone who loved till things got tough, is to loose someone who never intended or wanted to leave. Your other half, two peas in a pod, soulmate; metaphors used to describe that feeling of relief or completion. No matter how unexpectedly you two met, something happened. You two clicked and it worked. Something you thought never would happen, just did and as much as you were excited, you were very much afraid too. The fear of loosing, like the many times you had lost before.

Then something happens, your life comes to a halt, the moment you dreaded, has arrived. A final and permanent farewell. One beyond your control. And your efforts to remain for the next 50 years together are in vain. Fate tearing you two apart, crushing your soul beyond repair. Perhaps only time can mend. What seemed to last forever only happened to be a façade. As the clocks tick, your motion ceases to exist. You start from scratch this time more scratched and bruised compared to the last.

A Cut Out Dress

Don't we all want that 'stop in your tracks; do a double take at me,' and now that Halloween is over, we need to get casually creative without breaking the bank. As a woman of eternal style and elegance(and of course some funk,) one thing pops into mind;
cut out dress.

As many of you think(and as I once thought) that a cut out dress is for the bold and willing to bare one's external soul. I can show you three ways to casually evolve into the social butterfly as I breeze through these next three images.

Firstly, you can go for the retro-funk with a fedora hat, that up-beat black pair of boots(you were trying to find an excuse to buy), a king necklace pendant and that tight-snip personality lurking beneath the unsureness of breaking free. The cut-out shoulder probably works for one that's got an edge to a perspective not normally taken.

Secondly, the boho-chic look; with that adorable mid-cut out dress; makes a perfect modern 'secret garden' evolve into reality. From an innocent pastel colored gimmy to a solid black waist cut out dress gives you an hour-glass figure(like who doesn't want one??) accentuating one's waist.

Last but most definitely not least, that up-beat/glam look when we all need a cosmopolitan look. Pairing it up with a tote, pair of cat-eye shades and those sexy pair of heels dying to be shown off, turns you from the already self-confident, sensual woman, to a now radiant, mesmerizing female.

Accessorizing and the never ending war we wage from shop to shop can sometimes be a major pain. So a trusted online shopping space, at your leisure, whims and fancy could be the thing you need(great news men!) Now if you are probably wondering where, check out ZALORA where you have the choice from local and international labels giving you the perspective of different trends; upcoming and current ones. And whilst wearing that spanking new outfit, perhaps it brings in the confidence that sometimes eludes us and sparkles and lights you up from the inside, doing that double take on yourself, firstly, before anyone else. 

Seismic Shift

Rounded up by misery. Trapped in my depression. Banging on the walls that I built myself. So strong and foundationed, years of turmoil. Blood, sweat and tears. Nothing to be proud of though. After all these years, all I have to show for myself is burnt bridges and rough waters. I'm stranded on an island I call myself. Can I get out of here alive? I need to sustain and survive. Dropping to my knees I see my burdens being lifted off. Could it have been this easy? Although letting go is far from it. Holding on to ceaseless pain, so familiar, mistaken for a companion. Shutting it out seems to be the hardest. Creating a void of panic. My identity seems to be lost now. Without it, I am nothing. Or am I? I find myself trying to find my way out without the seismic shift in reality. Can I find my way back to myself? Solitary confinement wouldn't do. Agonizing trials of loving myself. Each time breaking my heart. Should I just give up? Get lost in thoughts and opinions that pierce through my soul. Perhaps I already have. Undoubtedly, my heart's desire for freedom is annihilated by familiarity. Casting out reason to remove these chains and undress myself of the tribulations and consequences I've worn for too long. It's time to do the laundry, time for a makeover. Time for a seismic shift.