Taking Chances

As life keeps on going from a circle of life to an end of a life I have known, a sober and rude awakening hits me that nothing waits. Love, money, friendship, family or even materialistic things. Yet the hardest thing to decide whether to hold onto something that does you no good  or no longer helps you grow. The hope still lasts as the familiarity and bond makes you hold on. Is it love? Is it the comfort of knowing the flaws and familiarity?

Life is not to be possessed but to be appreciated. There is nothing to hold on to, as we all know, life eventually slips away. We protect young ones from falling down and getting hurt, we protect ourselves from being rejected by others. Our egos dented and bruised by life's harsh reality check, we build a wall to barricade the moments that would hit us hard.

As we build the wall and stay crouched, awaiting the blows from life, we loose sight of all the good things that come with the pain. The lessons, memories, support and friendship because every thing in life comes with a price. Sometimes it is taken away for the better other times, to teach you a lesson.Something lost, is something else gained.There are many cliche sayings such as when one door closes another opens or when God removes something from your hand he replaces it with something better. At the end of the day, all that matters is whether you let the past stay where it is and put your best foot forward and take the plunge. At the end of the day it is entirely up to you to make a decision that either hurts you or fills you with joy, which ever way it goes, the undeniable truth is that it molds and shapes you for the tomorrow you anxiously await. You are defined by the chances you have taken, not by the ones you let slip away, the only question remains; how do you want to be defined?

The Memories That Once Were

As I sit here and ponder on all the thoughts that have crossed my mind, I fin myself coming across bittersweet memories. How do you move forward when there is so much holding you back? The hardest thing in life is learning when to let go. It isn't throwing in the towel as much as it is learning to walk away from something that no longer makes you grow. You stay, the memories are familiar and unchanging. It does not hurt you because you know the ending, you know the outcome.But that is all it is, that is all they are; memories. You do not forget them, but you don't love in them as well.

Afew weeks ago, a friend's mother passed away. She had to make that decision whether he lived or died. How does one find it in them to choose the life that would be of poor quality to someone or death to end the misery? How do you look at the one you love and say goodbye one last time, knowing that this day forward, he/she will no longer be part of your life but only a memory?

As she came up to me, "how do I forget the memories?" That sentence till resounds in my head. How do you forget memories? Are you supposed to forget them? What if they do more bad than good to you? Do you still keep remembering them? How do you look at someone and tell them that you aren't supposed to forget the memories but cherish them, when you know a loved one's memory only brings heartache and pain?

Let them flow, let them pass through your body like morphine attached to your vein. Let it ourse through your body and let it flow like a river. Let it heal the pain with heartache and tears and broken trust and faith. Let it bring you crashing down, with hoplessness in your eyes.From there, the bottom of the bottomless pit, the place where you learned to grieve and comfort yourself, the place where tears dried out and you can see clear again, the place where you lost faith but started to believe in yourself, is a perfect place to start anew. For that does not kill you, only shall make you stronger.

Love NEVER Fails

As I have been bitten twice shy once again on the train to misery and loneliness (out of my own wrong doing may I add), Many things have been popping up in my head as well as people popping into my life out of the blue. But one thing never fails to come into my mind, that one thought of the person that has a pinnacle point in my life.I know that sometimes when you come from two wholly different backgrounds, thoughts and actions may clash, but the beauty of love is that even though the mind may be angry, the heart still cares. After everything has died down and gone to rest, do you continue to feel angst towards someone that seems dearly to you?

Forgiveness is one of those gifts that is worth giving back and keeping at the same time.People may see this trait as weakness or a liability to oneself, but the truth is, forgiveness is what keeps us going, forgiveness gives us strength in times that we would need to be strong.As far as I know, it is hard to let go of someone you love, especially if you still want to give it another try. There aren't a certain number of fights that you go through before you break up. Sometimes you can go through a million fights in a month's time and realize at the first day of the second month, the relationship is always worth that one more try.

We live in a world where relationships are painted in a picture where no fights whatsoever occurs. Or that only a few fights happen. Truth is fights and disagreements will take place. Love is not based on the lack of fights or disagreements or misunderstanding. You cannot measure love. Love is endless (gets you pretty crazy too!) , if you try to make sense of loving someone, if you try to make sense of someone being jealous or a bit too caring and protective, if you try to make sense of a feeling and emotion that doesn't need senses, then you will fail. Love is pure and innocent, sometimes we may come off naive and irrational, because a heart wants to take the risk and at the same time is afraid of getting hurt. So what do we do? We put our guards up and shield ourselves away from any truth that may hurt but at the same time heal our past wounds.

Healing is a tough thing, since you cannot get better without feeling a little pain. The moment we feel that there is a chance that someone might betray us, or hurt us, in other words, opening ourselves up again, we fear the worst. You will never get it right the first time, especially after the initial disastrous relationship, but as long as you are trying, then you are moving forward.People may reject you of your past, sometimes you may not know how to reveal past scars. Find someone that can look at you and say it to your face when you are doing something wrong, find someone that will scream and shout at you for your mistakes and then comes back to love you. Then you know you found someone that truly cares. If they could not be bothered to help you get back up and take you away from the wrong path, do they care for you as much as you think they do?

Maybe I wasn't asking you to love me, maybe I was only asking you to understand.Because for so long I've been hurt and for so long everyone has ignored it, and maybe it is bad timing, but maybe I don't care. Waiting for you to say I've been waiting too. yet you haven't and maybe you never will. or maybe you are afraid as I am. But it all hurts the same, and in the end I will be the one that is left broken. When I lay down to sleep, I will still be the one crying. So screw the bad timing. I've loved you then like I've love you now and you know already deep down, I always will.

Chocolates and Heartaches

Another day passes and I sit here wondering whether you will be mine again. I ponder on all the thoughts we could have shared, and as each time I think of calling you I recall it is not me who needs this space but you. So I wait hoping and praying you will come right back.But the chances of you walking back in with a smile and a heart that feels the wonder of us is slim, and the chances of me walking away heartbroken are high. Yet, I am still ready to take this chance, this risk knowing I might fall flat on my face in front of a crowd jeering.

Although I got the support of many I wait to see your hand to pick me back up. I'm lost in a cloud of strangers as my friends and looking for a soul that soothes mines as they meet. I long for another embrace, another laugh, another cry with you. Could it be we needed this? Would it hurt us more than fix us? I don't believe in meant to be's , I just believe in you and me and that is all I need. so just let me hear your voice so my heart stays calm awaiting for you, and knowing you are okay and everything will be fine.

I'll fight till the world crumbles under my feet, I'll be stubborn and irrational if only that means I get to keep you for just another day longer. If that means your breaths are familiar to me then I'll shut the doors and stay in with you for eternity. Can you promise me your heart? Can you promise me your tears and heartaches? I swear I'll share the chocolate with you too.

Make a promise standing here as the world falls apart, I'll look into your eyes and you look into mine. We'll smile to each other and hold hands, make a promise that no man made disaster can stand. I will walk into your arms with tears on my face knowing this day forward it is just you and me and nothing else could come between us.

But I guess that dream has come to pass, and there needs to be space that separates and blurs the dreams to just a thought not worth pondering upon. Could you stand with me one last time? Make a pact that we'll make it to the end. I'll call you and share as each story happens and we'll laugh and cry and make fun of everything that needs be. I give you my word, I give you my heart, this is a battle we could win.

The ribbon tied blessing

As otday is another brick on the wall to building it right back up as soon as it shattered to the ground. I realised that for so long I have been trying to make sense of my failures and short comings. Yet today I realized that the best decisions that you could ever make are the ones that do not make sense; no logical reason what so ever sometimes.

 So do not worry if you're heart is on your sleeve, or if your heart is drunk and like a kid. If you want something, it won't be easy, it may sometimes feel like things won't come through, but it is when you are at your hardest that if you follow through, things come through. I witnessed the best and worst week today and I was blessed to know that I got an amazing support system.

The best thing to witness is when you are down in the dumps, feeling like you just want to kick the bucket and then someone comes up to you and says you changed their life for the better. I guess for me knowing that lives can be changed by a slight effort of taking time to listen to them and empathizing with them is a huge impact on the way I treat people close to me. I close myself up to people close and just be a shoulder to lean on, but as I start to open up, I see that people actually care more than you think.

I spent one of my best days today devoting my time and just in adoration of our loving Mother, and I realized I cannot be stressing myself on things I cannot change. I cannot worry if someone does not feel the same way I feel or no longer does for it is not my battle to fight but that person's.You just be the best damn person you can, and that is if you wear your heart on your sleeve then go ahead and wear it out! Your life is yours and no one else's.

I realized that yes I may be a total emotional wreck and a crazy maniac, I am clumsy and a nuisance you can love me and hate me at the same time and I am as flabby as an obese whale could be, but my heart is pure and I can bet you a million bucks from now till the day I die that there wont be anyone that could love someone as well as I can. In an imperfect package comes a package that is perfect, but during delivery it was thrown around, and dented at the sides, but if you open it up, it is still that same package you were waiting for, sometimes you're whole life.

Another one bites the dust

What I do not get is why people look at you and say you keep talking about someone, or why do you keep talking about him? When a piece of you falls away from you, there is no exact time to heal or move on. People push you to move on or force you to walk away from something you held onto for so long and even though you are hurting and bleeding inside, you just have to put a band-aid on something that needs surgery to heal because you would just like to see the other person happy.

People should start to realize that sometimes it is not about whether someone is trying to move on, the fact that they are with you trying to make things work is already them trying, give them space and time to heal. You had your time you had your chance, but they do not want to take that chance to leave you to heal, because they already lost an opportunity to be with someone they really love. Be there for them when you said you would, do not give them another of those empty promises because they are trying to believe that are not a screw up or a mess, they are not an option when people are bored and they turn to them. The have feelings that are hurt, but they give even though they may not have much of their heart to give now since it is broken. Give them hope that there is someone that might see something special in  them for once and give the strength to look in the mirror and actually see that same thing.

To those who say I am not the right person for you months after dating, where the hell was your brain when you started to get to know someone? When they actually started telling you they had feelings more than a friend, where was your honesty and integrity then?? Or were you too selfish to actually lead them on and let them fall once they were soaring high? People deserve the truth, people deserve someone that is willing to fight for you, because at sometime in your life you would want that too. People deserve someone that actually cares to be around  them and take the effort to make them smile. So if your heart breaks the next after you have done this to someone, know that this is exactly how the person felt, time after time, person after person, ex after ex, and you told her to just "move on".

The little magic in life

So ladies, I know a lot of us are confused and have the lines blurred out between  knowing whether you are a gold digger and asking him to get a job. The solemn truth is that you are not a gold digger if you ask him to go out and earn some money. You are not a penny monger if you ask him to go out and send in applications and resumes and keep searching till something comes up. In fact, you are raising him up and pushing him out to greater things.  

A lot of people look at a person and think of she is just using him to get money and sometimes, yes , I agree that is the case. But if she hollers at you and keeps on pestering you to go and make something of yourself, instead of sulking and moping about at home, trust me that is not a gold digger. 

So, if you do have someone that actually cares about you and wants to be there for you, if you do not make an effort or make a move to stand where she is, trust me she will leave.As the saying goes. if she is easy she won't be worth it, if she is worth it , she won't be easy. So if you feel she is the one, keep pushing on and fight. A lot of people these days has forgotten the terms such as fight, will power, perseverance. People expect things to be given to them, we wait for an opportunity, we sit and wait till the time comes. 

How in the world do you expect things to happen without you pushing forward and making a move? Life does not just happen, you make it happen. You do not ever sit and wait and watch it go by, because before you know it, half a year is gone and all you have done is sit and watch other people make things happen for themselves. 

A bit like magic, life takes it's course. In order to have fun with magic that you see a magician doing, you need to have a little bit of faith and belief. The funny thing about this comaprison is that in life, you have to be both, the believer and the magician to see and experience the magic and surprises that await you. You have to be the one pulling the rabbit out of the hat and watch in amazement as it looks at you and then hops away into it's own habitat. Life has it's ups and downs but you gotta be a little crazy and believe that any moment now you will escape from the chest where your hands have been tied and sealed shut and come out as a victor. 

My first and last post about you, with much love of course.

Knowing you intentionally hurt my feelings, knowing that deep down inside all the 'I Love Yous' and 'Forevers' was a love that was set to detonate at a specific time set before we met. A part of me holds on to you, a part that will not accept the hurt someone so close could inflict with a gentle smile and a touch that could melt my heart. Being broken and torn, crushed to the brink of not sleeping yet waking up to a morning sun, living was far out compared to survival.

I fought for you when people talked about you, I stood up and stood beside you,I told you things to your face and kept it real. I comforted you and I pushed you to what you wanted to be. You, in turn took it for granted, made a fool of me. Lived of me emotionally, spiritually, physically, yet I forgave you and was there for you like before. In turn, once again, adavantage was taken off me. Once again I was left alone to pick the pieces up, stare at you walk away and fend on my own.

A part of me still loves you. Well, the love I had for the person I "thought" I knew. You looked straight at me and promised me we would work on things make ends meet, all along you had a plan that did not involve me. I stayed when I was not welcome, I helped out when it was not requested. Now here I am trying to figure it out keeping myself together when my world is falling apart.

My life changed when I met you, for better or for worse I will take things in my own hands to define what I am made off. You crushed my heart but my spirit soars. I am not done yet and you are free to go. I stand higher than the small pedestal you put me under. I am just getting started and you were a small blunder. You have yet to see the true Cori, she is made of all the things small yet impossible to find yet truly amazing to see. My gain, your loss, I guess it was meant to be.

Fears and Perceptions

After the many thoughts that have crossed my mind on where do I direct my next post to, I have decided that it's common denominator would be the art of grown ups. Many of you now, stop to think and ponder upon the specific art of grow ups. Some (of course the younger generation with teenage angst and pumping adrenaline) think of the nagging ways that they try to enter your daily routine of procrastination; erupting your string of thought about the latest sale and the newest ride to get something done around the house. The other arts that form from a tedious mind that only comes with age and experience (as you hear many of them say), is the organization shown to range of clothes that is hung in there wardrobe (colored co-ordinate d and what sorts!) and of course the never ending rant on how a consistency of clean and kept the house must be.

Now the older generation might opt for the other art they have, which  is their "parenting - responsibility role. Of course, their sacrificing, motivating, early hours of consoling, but I digress. The main art of many people these days is the form where we must make everything look good. On the outside of course, The verge where people go to all sorts of routines and regimens to get there best look on the outside before taking a step back, stopping and analyzing the big picture.

It is not just about the physical appearance of a person I take this notion into, but also the very fact that it attacks and affects the people surrounding them. A lot of it is in the form of how people try to cover up a situation to make it look like the picture perfect couple, or the picture perfect family, when all it is is just another downhill avalanche taking a turn for the bad. It does not stop there!

When people talk about the environment climbing to a halt of the ice caps melting and the the sun exploding, we get alarmed (some even frantic!) but not a lot would do what is needed if it means to get uncomfortable and somehow make the Earth look natural in its native state than doing away with plastic bags and all non - degradable items.

At the end of the day, all we have is ourselves to blame and the scary reality that we need each other to carry on our survival.

So for now , I leave you with a quote that must deeply reflect your inner being and your existence, to understand the meaning of living and your purpose of life. To be truly vulnerable at at encounter with a situation, let it take you to edge and a free - fall, and then watch as life saves your soul.

“I love this world because it is imperfect. It is imperfect, and that's why it is growing; if it was perfect it would have been dead. Growth is possible only if there is imperfection. I would like you to remember again and again, I am imperfect, the whole universe is imperfect, and to love this imperfection, to rejoice in this imperfection is my whole message.”  - Osho

Stronger Tides

This post is to show my appreciation to a stranger .


I create this post, not to tackle my creative writing skills, but to reach out to many other 20 - something year - olds that feel where their life is going is all that there is to go. Down a path of mundane and routine tasks. Of a life that is filled with the breaths of living within the reigns that you can hold onto.

As I sat waiting to be assisted with a post to be pinned upon a bulletin board, I encoutered a moment with someone I may never see again, but left a message to pondered upon after the meeting had taken place. So today, I want all of you all reading this to know that yes, you may feel trapped and used, washed up and dried almost faded from the unique qualities that once were used to describe you. But never feel like that is true, there is something that makes everyone right in their on place and time and sometimes it takes a stranger to look at you with fresh eyes and see the potential you have to give to this world.

You may be young and yes you are going to make mistakes, perhaps a whole load more than the ones you have already made, I'm here to tell you that it is perfectly alright to alter a few detours in your journey in life.That you can make a few pitstops and go into a different path that you may seem is correct for your life at that moment, but if you are to fall down and fail for a second, do not let it define you. Do not let a failure in a relationship put a halt to your success that you want to achieve and though I may not know the tips and hints to give you I will tell you that there are people who do care about you.

Let go of the ones that do not care, the ones that secretly want to see you fail; and yes you will know who they are, you just have to summon up the courage to say good bye. Believe it or not, some byes are actually the ones that keep you standing here, making you stronger than you ever thought you were. Just listen to your instincts and always be smarter than your last mistake. Most importantly, DO NOT LOOSE HOPE!

-Much Love -

The Truth Hurts

Truth is that everyone hurts, some more than other. But through all the pain, you somehow show a numbing towards everyone else. You show the smile that everyone expects you to wear and portray because it makes them feel more comfortable. So that is exactly what you do; you smile, you laugh and you, for a moment start to believe that the smile is actually real.

But just like it started, it ends. You go back home, in a world solely built for you and you realize that the same plastered smile on your face was not built for two. Your soul trapped in the past, yearning for closure and deliverance. For some, moving on is easy, for others, they could spend their entire lifetime and not find closure or someone else they love as much.

Some people like to believe that you only truly love one person in your lifetime, once it is over, you never truly love move on. Some are lucky enough to find that someone and keep them. Others may not be so lucky; perhaps we sometimes try to tell ourselves it is time to move on. But do you really "move on"? Love was made for two and once you fin someone else, you never really loved the first person. But I must say, if you truly do find someone willing to give you happiness or someone with that potential. hold on to them. They indeed are special.
- Much Love - 

Is it really that bad?

So as I continue to unleash my dissatisfaction on how humanity has turned into a game of cat and mouse, I once again plead to you as the many times I have done to bear with me as throw a tirade. From my previous post you have noticed that I have shown my distaste to politicians that are so dirty, sewers can seem clean. But not all politicians have a knack to steal from the poor and get the rich richer.

To me I feel that politicians were not always the uptight, selfish and downright cruel people that they some times are portrayed. I feel that everyone has a touch of humble beginnings. That down the line and the course of their career, they lose sight of what their duty is. Sometimes they are lucky to be reminded by an event or occurrence that takes place in their lives, sometimes they aren't so luck. Perhaps every once in awhile we need revolutions to take place. Every once in a while we need those few good men in uniform or their casuals to come out and knock us on the head with sense and responsibility.

To go an entire lifetime not making a change in someone's life is sad enough, but to not try to create a glimpse of hope to the people that yearn for change, that deserve a break in this lifetime and are dependent on the people whose voices can be heard, now that is a lifetime gone to waste. Not everyone has the right to choose how they live, some have to obey the rules and regulations for they have no other choice. People who live below the normal income level, that do not resort to violence and theft, that are humble yet generous deserve a break. Yes, I get life is tough. However, the only reason life is tough because it is us, the people with the ability to change the course of a generation do not make that first attempt to show the world what we are made off.

So the next time you complain of having the worst situations in life, remember, you have every damn right to change it. Your freedom, your right, do not let anyone take it from you.
Napoleon once said, "The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people!" 

Don't let your voice go to waste. 

Election Fever

Well today in society there is a huge speculation of the elections that that has just taken place. First topic on the list is the foreigners that have come to vote. Now firstly, I admit that it was quite enraging when I first heard of the tricks and schemes that was going down, but on second thought, I thought of it a bit more deeper. Why is the blame going to the wrong person? 

First off, these foreigners are just merely laborers looking for a little income to support their family.Yes it is unethical and illegal, but who is the real criminal over here? The person who took advantage of them, bribing them, brought them into this country merely for his own personal gain only to show them the door once it was all over. 

They are victims just as we are. They are victims of human slavery. To think that one can just buy his way into people's lives with not his money but with tax payers money is just disgusting and frustrating. From the bottom of my heart, I feel sorry for all Malaysians, whose hearts have gotten a little bit heavier by the results. But fret not, for the battle may have been lost but you won the war. Moreover, this is YOUR country that needs protecting, that needs rescuing, that needs saving. Do not lose heart but take heed. This is not the end but the very beginning. 

Malaysia, the world is watching, the people are with you at this very moment. FIGHT FOR FREEDOM!

When She Chooses

To the women who feel like they are all alone, that no one understands them in any way what so ever. Here is a message for ALL  OF YOU.

        YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL IN EVERY WAY YOU ARE NOW AND ARE GOING TO BE.

I know a lot of women out there, stay with a guy because she feels that is the best she is ever going to get. That any man in his right mind would not even think of dating or getting to know her. Well you are quite wrong. In each and every one of us women out here, we have the characteristics and features of a lady, of a female. Someone who has a heart of gold and can love no matter how hard we have been hit and kicked to the floor.

A woman is someone that can hold her head high and look at the person who kicked her when she was down, smile at him/her and wish them a good day. A woman is strong enough to not let her past experiences slow her down and only use it as fuel to make her way to the top, showing compassion to each and every person she passes by. 

I know that some of you girls may feel that you  do not have the courage and strength to go another day in this world, but I want you to know that there is beauty in every part of you that is just waiting to shine. That can only happen when you realize that you have so much to give this world. Do not let anyone or anything slow you down!

-Much Love-

Everyone's Weakness

Once again, I come to think of what everyone really wants and needs. A lot of people complain that there are too many players out there and it is so hard to find love these days. The truth is we do not really know what love is. We guess that love has to come in this certain shape and size and structure. And we find the person that does fits the criteria, only to find ourselves being dissapointed. I know I have said that you need to keep to your standards when finding someone, but the most important standard and evaluation you can have, is a person's heart.

I know at the end of the day, player or not, we all want someone who is eager to hear from us. Smile each time he/she hears our voice and yes there are fights and arguments, who doesn have those?!? But caring for someone is being able to overlook those flaws and look deep within one's self and also into that person's soul and see beauty. It easy to find happiness when you're done whining why this person cant be the one for you, but love is too strong a word for one to use.

Love is seeing in someone the reason to move on from the past, willing to spend each passing moment in the present and being able to see the dreams and your lives for the future. Love is sacrifice, bearing the pain of seeing someone happy and not resenting it. Making someone happy even if you know in the end it has no value or worth for you. Love is being able to be unselfish. To give that last piece of chocolate just so they have an extra bit of sweetness in them. Love is by far, pure. It has no ill intentions other than putting a smile on someone's face, willing to go the distance, thick or thin to make it work. Understanding that sometimes if it does not work that it s okay to move on and let the other find true happiness with or without you. Love is just amazing, then again, this is just my perspective of love hoping to find someone with the same ideas of it too.

Love is Love no one on Earth can change the power it has. If a heart is pure then nothing can take away its beauty.

-Much Love-

A Sensitive Heart

As it has been a long hiatus from blogging, i would like to take this post as one to vent. For all the men that are clueless on how to treat a woman right, here is a pretty good tip :- she probably knows she is not perfect damn it, she looks in the mirror everyday trying to convince herself she is and then you come along and point out her flaws and its a never ending cycle.


All you got to do is just give her a hug, say that it is all going to be all right and then just hold her and know that no matter what you are going to be there. She needs you and if you are just another critic then if you really care about her, LEAVE. 


It is hard enough trying to maintain a relationship, but doing it with someone that honestly does not care about you is even worse. It is okay to be single and have standards. It is what YOU want , and no one else can judge you or deny you your desires/needs. Just make sure that in the end when you have received what you have asked for its really what you wanted. Wait as long and look as much as you can. Do not settle for anything below your expectations. This is YOUR life. Do not let someone else take over control. 


Much Love