An Empire to Build

I want to go deep down into your soul. Deep down where no one's gone before. I want to open the deep dark closet hidden under the pile of even more dirty laundry and hidden messages. I want to know the story of each mark on your body and each scar that remains. I want to see through your eyes; the tears that have been wiped away and the pain that remain of yesterday.

I want to peer at your brain and dissect every thought and word and reasoning you find. The smallest of humor and the darkest of anguish. I want to seek your solace for you and find the liberation you look for so desperately. I want to relieve you of burdens that have been carried from generations. I want to console you at your darkest moments, when you're alone feeling like you've reached your end.

I want to raise you from your knees off the ground and back to your feet. I want to stand beside you and motivate you on repeat. With each trembling step you take towards your conquering the fear built by a wall you mentally put up, let's take it down together. Let me be the one dabbing the cloth at the side of the ring and cooling you down. Then getting you back up for another round.

Oh if only you'd let me, if only you could see, the empire we are together, the empire we could be. With a dam of emotions and a village of thoughts. We could start a civilization with just us. We'll feed them with love and strengthen them with hope. If only you could see from within, all that can be done if you just let me in.

Testimony of a lost soul

My dreams, covered in glimpses of memories. Oh what memories, the kisses in the dark and and the tears in the sunset. Staring into each other's eyes with a sigh of satisfaction. The fights of passion and the make-up kisses action. Don't you know that we still have it all? You left me wanting more. Craving for an embrace that I never embraced. Now we have words. Words that were never spoken. Words of forgiveness and good byes. Let's go back to the start. Standing here across you, unspoken truth oozing out of our pores. Dont you love me anymore? Could you live with the thought of walking away? The thought of surrendering your dreams and ambitions for the yearning of your fickle minded heart. Could you loose yourself in the moment and risk it all, loosing it all or gaining everything you never thought you needed. Oh how beautiful life would be if it was black and white. But it's not is it? You fall in love and he loves on. His heart chasing the next bombshell that's got him awe struck. All the work you did looking like your pretty self gone in vain. More messed up than before. Your heart pounding out of your chest as you chase after him chasing after someone else. What a twisted path you've run down now, no idea of how to get back to the start. So you sit down picking at your shoes wondering where you went wrong. Where do you go from here? Your heart a distance away. All along you wanted to chase after your love, unknowingly being left behind in the dark. He's gone a long time ago, love. A testimony of a lost soul trying to find her way back. Coming across too many dead ends. All she needs is a little clarity. So come sit beside her and share a thought. A penny for your thoughts? Oh she'd pay a dime. Go to your darkest secret and set it free. She'd liberate you while encasing herself in a glass house. She'd set you free if you tried.

Do I Make You Happy?

Do I make you happy? Do I make you see? With everything that has happened, are you happy with me? Do you smile like you did when you were with her? Or does your heart beat out of fear? Can you face another day knowing you're with me and not her? As each moment passes in your life, are you happy with your choice? Moments over shadowing another, your smile is your cover. Do you move mountains or just feel safe with me? Do you take each waking moment with a sigh of relief. You see, I'm moving in and out of doubt, you left me for her and now you're back with me. Have you settled or do I really make you happy. Has your heart changed, am I the only one you see? Coz if you remember, you left me for her, and now you're back with me.

Do you still talk to her? Like before? Or have you left all the past baggage at the door. You entered back in with smiles and open arms, not seeing around everything has fallen apart. I thought I needed you, the illusion of being safe around you was just me being belittled by you. The choice of walking back in the 'house' you tore down with words that cut through my soul, "she makes me really happy," should never have been there. I'm picking myself up, BY MYSELF. Right now I hope you're happy and you're heart is content. I hope your joy is to never cease. Frankly though, I couldn't care if it was because of me.

Illumination

Now that I have your attention. Let me take this time to blow your mind. Nothing like wine, is as fine as I to what I place my eyes on. A delight to my sight. I provoke the inner most being to awake the child I once put to sleep. Trekking across the woods in a ball gown with you would seem like a thought I wouldn't think twice about. A constant flow of emotions no longer am I in fear of losing this moment. For I am in this moment. Embedded in my soul. I'll feel even when it has passed. Long gone, I sit alone and breath in the new air. No, it isn't the same anymore. My soul renewed once more. No constant worry of what or where or why. Revealing myself. It doesn't look like me. Or who I used to be. Does it? I've finally found me. Individual identity woven in intricate details to fashion the mode of surviving like a suit of armor. I was made for this. Made to fight, to survive to thrive in the darkest of times. To illuminate and seek the light for all. The burden that was once uplifted from mine, now I uplift others. An example, a does, a goal setter, and everyone who tells you otherwise can leave. So staring again at the mirror. It gets misty. I wipe it clean. That ray of sunshine coming through. I look above and close my eyes. Thanking you in advance. I set my fears aside for today. There's plenty of time they can wait. I walk out. Its going to be okay. For once, for the first time in a long long time, I know I'm right this time.