Happy Mother's Day

This post is to someone special
I know they wont read it anytime soon
But I just hope everyone that reads this will say a prayer tonight
I knew you when I was down, low in spirit and didn't know how to get back up
It was you that trusted me and spoke to me
It was you that loved me and cared for me
It was you that gave me freedom and backed me up
Now, seeing you lying there makes me think
Where did all my courage go
I cant help you the way you helped me
Nevertheless you smiled and remembered me
Your strength and love is never ending
I know you will beat this
Walk and talk again
You will be fine
<3

Changes

Nothing changes the way I feel for you
Something I can tell was our love, that was true
I know we left a lot unsaid
and I know sometimes its best to keep it that way
But each time I close my eyes
Thoughts of you and I
I miss the hug, the warm embrace
The delight of seeing your face
The smile that made me warm inside
The love you showered without any pride
But somehow that changed, you changed
I held my breath and begged for you to stay
I swallowed my pride and strode ahead
I sulked and moped for as long as I could
But chin up and smile I thought I should
The quivering curve on my face I could no longer pull
I cried and prayed come back please
My wish I knew was hard to fulfill
I'm moving on, or at least I'm trying
Your what I wanted I want you by my side
A kiss and a hug, I fell for you
Now all I want is the love we value
Mark, I hate how you made me feel
I love the moments we shared, we were not the best
there were moments were I transgressed
There were times you would have absurd requests
But now it's over and done
This love was over before it begun

Depressed

Couldn't think of a better title than something that actually describes the way I'm feeling. Im just sick and tired of putting on the face that says the whole world is filled with sunshine and rainbows. I'm sick and tired of listening to everyone's lifelong history all catastrophic events and sudden urge to just sulk in misery.

So maybe this may come as a shock to you, but I hurt! I feel every emotion that just lives and breeds inside of me. I'm not usually the person that has a breakdown and shows it to the whole world. I am just another person among the millions who wants to be heard and understood. To be loved and embraced with arms welcoming at any moment.

I'm sick and tired of being put as second best and left to fend for myself. I never asked for the moon or the stars but just your love. Something I gave you with my whole heart. Some people say never to expect anything in return, I should have done the same. Should have forgotten and just walked away when you said it was over. Yet, I guess it was stubbornness that took over and I fought for you back, and I cried and pleaded for the most. I thought it would all be good, That we would give it one more try and it would be great. We would work on it and just be okay.

Then again, there I go making events and imaginary moments that I wish would happen and am I wrong to think of a happy ending? Was one not made for me? I worked and will work for a happy ending, and yes I'll still wish and hope your with me there too.

And A Learnin Curve

So people ask me what happens as you grow old
My reply "nothing really, just cranky and whiny as each day passes"
Or that is what I used to say. I realize if you learn something as you grow older, why then are we not happy about life? Don't we have the knowledge to grow and become wiser and learn what is best and decide what truly brings us happiness? What is the point of learning about everything and not gaining satisfaction and a serene calmness within ourselves, learning to live with happiness and accepting the consequences of situations learning to live with loss?

Maybe after all, the less you have the more you appreciate, the more you appreciate the more you learn to love and soon we try to grow in that love and accept moments that have brought smiles and tears that appeared once on our faces and have now been only a memory from our past. If only we could learn this lesson now, when it has taken people their entire life to learn to let go and forget about having total control of your life

I would know, I'm still trying to understand my life lesson, :)

-LOVE-

Thrown and Forgotten Once Again

It not how much I put myself in
Just how much I trusted you
I gave you all I never have before
Once again left on the floor
Trying to gain confidence
Telling myself I'll do this without you
I let myself go when we met
Losing myself while trying to find you
I was embraced by your hostility towards me
Maybe I was right to stay away
You were to strong and I fell for you
Now all I do is wish you once more with me
Why is it so hard for me to let you go?
When at first I said no
I wish and hope I'll feel this with you again
Once again I shake my head and say what the hell
I thought i made it to a perfect beginning
Then after all, what was I thinking
I succumbed to everything you put me through
Left devastated, I felt like a fool
I'm moving on, don't worry about me.
Just take care off yourself and life your life happily